LOS ANGELES, CA - All across the country, exasperated illegal immigrants have decided en masse to self-deport themselves in light of the political burden they realize they have become for both political parties. The movement has no single leader and many decided to leave on their own, not realizing until now what a hassle they had become for America.
"After seeing the division in the country after President Obama's speech last week, we decided it would be best for everyone if we just went back to where we came from," said Pablo Reyes, of El Dorado, California. Reyes, a citrus picker, brought his large family to the United States in 2005 from Guatemala in search of a better life.
"I want to apologize to everybody for the inconvenience we have caused the politicians of this great land," Reyes said. "I had no idea when we sneaked into America that it would create such a stir all over the country. Maybe I can get my old job back with the cartel when we get back home."
"You can't have a President trashing the Constitution just on account of us and expect to hold onto your republic. I couldn't sleep at night knowing we had caused that to happen," Reyes said.
Maria Gonzales, a student originally from Mexico, said, "I hate to leave but it's the polite thing to do. I will miss all my friends but this is what's best for President Obama. I don't want to be a burden on anybody. I hope everybody can forgive us."
At last report, President Obama had issued another presidential decree ordering all immigrants trying to leave the country be apprehended, saying in a statement that "if these people are allowed to leave the country, it would be like Lucy pulling the football away from Charlie Brown. These people are my political football and I need that football, at least for the next two years."