National Guards May Fight Federal Troops

Funny story written by Keith Shirey

Friday, 14 November 2014

image for National Guards May Fight Federal Troops
Will Fight Against U.S.Troops?

19 republican Senators, and the "Coal Is Good For Health Institute," today issued a joint press release condemning President Obama's "War On Coal." The Senators are from Wyoming, West Virginia, Pennsylvania and Illinois who are the largest coal producing states in the nation.

The press release condemns the recent bi-lateral climate change agreement between the U.S. and China and states that, in cooperation with Republican Governors in all coal-producing states, their National Guards will be mobilized to protect coalmines leased on public lands against the War On Coal.

"We know that Obama, who has yet to produce his birth certificate from Kenya, will order Federal troops into our states to shut down the mines because of the new agreement with China on climate change. But we will meet force with force with state National Guard tanks, artillery and other heavy weapons. So Obama, bring it on!"

As background it should be noted that U.S. produces enough coal on federal land to create the equivalent annual emissions of 825 million cars. Too, The federal government controls about a third of U.S. coal reserves.

Senator Frank Cloghorn (R) Virgina said in a press conference held today that inside sources told him today that the War On Coal would include the use of tactical nuclear weapons to shut down the nations' coal mines.

"The national guards of coal mining states should find a way to get some nukes to fend off the War On Coal federal forces who will attack us," said Cloghorn.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more