Associated Press- Hydraulic fracturing or "fracking" is the process of drilling and injecting dangerous fluid into the ground at high pressure in order to fracture shale rocks to release natural gas inside.
President Obama has said that natural gas is a "bridge" to alternative energy sources. But, at a press conference today, a reporter from the AP said to him, "Since the U.S. already has the technology to develop environmental friendly fuels and resources, why do we need this so-called 'bridge'?"
Obama responded, "We all love bridges and 'frack, baby frack'."
The reporter, Edward Snowden, quite surprised by the response, pressed the President to answer his question and said, "Furthermore, don't you know, Mr. President, that houses near fracking sites have faucets that shoot flames."
"Then they should use fire suppressants," Obama laughed. He continued, " Man, any problems with fracking are just unresolved engineering challenges dealing with Co4+2 and we'll get green completion and fractional changes that will build bridges to the future with dynamic muscle out featureless outputs. So, I say, 'frack baby frack on.' That's way cool, right?"
"I don't understand what you're saying Mr. President, could you explain that in layperson's terms?" asked reporter Germaine Greer.
"Certainly," responded Obama. "Duke Energy CEO Jim Rogers and his wife, Mary Anne, gave thousands of dollars to my 2012 presidential campaign. They are just swell folks. And the natural resources and energy people, who I call folks, contributed $772,000 for me to build fracking bridges to the future. Wow, that's a lot of bread."
"But fracking for natural gas releases enough methane to be worse than carbon pollution from coal. It's a menace to our planet, it causes global warming," said reporter Dudly Doright.
Obama responded, "But natural gas has to be good. It's natural isn't it? And the chemicals used to get it sound like an interesting brew to me. I think I'll get one of my aides to get me a glass of icy cold, sparkling frack water tomorrow. Man, It sounds like a natural supplement."
But Doright shouted, "They use thousands of gallons of water to get to the gas is polluted with Hydrochloric Acid, Ethylene Glycol, and a hundred other chemicals. And it's radioactive."
"Radioactive? Sounds like it might be good for chemotherapy. I'll get the doctors at the Center For Disease Control to look into it," said the President. "So let's frack on baby," he said as the press conference came to an end.
Reporter Greer was overhear saying to reporter Doright, "I think the nicorette gum he's always chewing has gotten to the President," said Greer. Doright responded, "Yeah that and he's sniffing methane gas."