Oorah!!! DC NFL team to possibly become the few and the proud with rebranding

Written by Colorado Joe

Sunday, 14 September 2014

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Landover, Maryland may be the future home of the Washington Marines

WASHINGTON, DC-In response to continuing criticism about his team's name, National Football League Commissioner Roger Goodell and Daniel Snyder, the owner of the Washington Redskins, are considering changing the name of Snyder's team to something more politically correct, possibly the "Washington Marines".

The name of the team would reflect upon the iconic Marine Corps War Memorial in Arlington, Virginia, just across the Potomac River from Washington DC itself. In addition, the nearby Marine Corps Base Quantico is the nerve center for a variety of commands ranging from the Marine Corps Embassy Security Group to the Marine Corps Training and Education Command, which trains Marine officers among its other roles.

The top management for the Redskins, Snyder and the NFL have been the subject of a number of lawsuits and movements to change the name, based on claims that the team's name and trademark are offensive to Native Americans. Although the team's trademark attorney is appealing the cancellation of the Redskins' recent trademark license, Snyder has been in talks with the United States Marine Corps for use of the Marines' emblem, colors, and the Marine Corps Hymn for use by the team's marching band. (According to leaked documents, the lyrics to the proposed fight song would start with "From the fogs of San Francisco, to the sands of Miami".)

Other leaked documents would have the team wearing red and combat green. The team's cheerleaders would be called the Lady Leathernecks or the JarHeadettes, and the youth clinic would be called "Boot Camp".

The documents indicated that in terms of bringing people out to FedEx Field in Landover, Maryland, more than just football games would take place. During halftime, an squadron of AV-8 Harrier "jump jets" which can take and land vertically based on how its jet engine nozzles are directed, could make pinpoint landings on the ten-yard lines. Or the Washington team might enter the stadium on a couple of LCAC (Landing Craft Air Cushion) vehicles-better known as hovercraft. It is also possible that a mock battle between two groups of M1A1 Abrams tanks might take place during a halftime-complete
with smoke and booms.

Snyder's planned makeover of his team is not being ignored by other NFL team owners. For example, the San Diego Chargers are considering rebranding themselves as the "SEALs" in recognition of that city's location for training the U. S. Navy's Sea Air Land teams (including the infamous "Hell Week" during which trainees are under mental and physical stress with very little rest for a whole week). Residents of Fort Bragg, NC are asking the owners of the Carolina Panthers to rename their team "The Green Berets" or the "Airborne" after the John F. Kennedy Special Warfare Center and School and the 82nd Airborne, both located at Fort Bragg.

Also considering a rebranding is Jerry Jones, the owner of the Dallas Cowboys, whose stadium is currently located between Dallas and Fort Worth, TX. Jones is considering renaming his team the Airliners. "We have the world's largest airport (Dallas-Fort Worth) in our backyard," he said in explaining his proposal. "We also have the world's largest airline-Jones Airlines. Oh, hell, what did I mean to say? I guess I'll have to just buy American Airlines."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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