The International Mammary Foundation (IMF) have downgraded Britain's bust size from AA to A after what they describe as worrying signs of poor discipline and binge-eating of ministers.
Financial bra-fitter Geoff Tits explained, "For many years, the UK was the flat-chested supermodel of the fiscal world. But due to poor self-control it has begun to put on weight. It could even be in danger of reaching a B cup, which would be disastrous for its global image."
Tits recommended that Britain be fitted with a sports bra, exercise more and avoid sugar-rich drinks such as prosecco. He advised, "Britannia needs to go on a strict monetary diet immediately or it could end up with droopy norks like Panama's."
Britain's recent behaviour has caused turmoil among international breast-watchers, with one commentator suggesting that "if this continues it may need to try wearing a truss again."
