An exciting new discovery in cloning technology has been … discovered, ahem. Scientists love playing god, especially when working for Big money for Big corporations who demand Big results to make even more Big profits …
They can clone a sheep in Scotland. They can clone a Tasmanian Tiger in Tasmania. There are robot clones in Star Wars – which clearly is a window into the future.
But how of how can they clone something that makes a shitload of money – fast and repeatedly?
Scientists purchased by evil corporations have figured out something so simple: why not clone oil?
That’s right! Why send those drills hundreds of meters into the Earth’s core, when they can just clone oil by the barrel and sell it to burn and destroy the planet’s surface? The earth has been hollowed out in a million places – and yet still no Morlocks! Not even a CHUD! What’s going on down there? Not a lot, and it’s still so hard to find an oil deposit worth people’s time to dig. If it’s not going to pull up trillions over the next 100 years, then fuck it, let the earth remain a solid hunk of ground, and let all those holes and tunnels fill themselves in. If the Earth doesn’t pay off, then it has no use for the rich man. (Unless they frack the frackin’ frack outa it!)
In an ironic sidenote: the secret cloning technique for oil is currently being held in an underground cave in Switzerland, along with looted Nazi art, old Nazi bank accounts passwords, the bones of Adolf Hitler (soon to be cloned, around 2024 … but you didn’t hear that from me) and the Hadron Collidor.
For any potential thieves to get the secret formula, they’ll have to dig. Digging for oil goes ever on, and Tesla and its batteries will never be able to compete. Shell, BP, Exxon and other oil companies are banking on it!
