Britain evaluates its potential new PM

Funny story written by Sir Geoffroy Cockface

Tuesday, 26 July 2022

image for Britain evaluates its potential new PM
There's a bright future under the Tories - because everything will be on fire

The race to be the next UK Prime Minister is on. And it's a mediocre race to the bottom, a three-legged race run by amputee horses high on the ketamine of low taxes, where the loser is likely to be shot quite literally with the votes of the Tory members.

Sunak and Truss took part in a combative debate, where they duelled on such topics as "how soon should the government cut taxes" and "how poor can I pretend to be without alienating wealthy Tory voters".

None of them came close to forming a realistic economic plan to tackle the cost of living crisis - to do so would be like persuading a monkey to flush its own shit down the toilet when it has been trained to fling it at everyone else.

When it came to Brexit, the pair were in denial about the possibility that there might even be any problems, like two mad pensioners riding a bus off a cliff singing Summer Holiday, dragging the entire country along with them and obliviously thinking that they were turning in an Emmy-winning performance.

Truss spoke like a true Tory with a bizarre form of Tourettes. "I Thatcher believe that we should Thatcher lower taxes so that Thatcher Thatcher Thatcher."

She also admitted that she was once diagnosed as a type of mentalist - although she actually meant an environmentalist. "When I was younger I foolishly thought it Thatcher would be best if we don't completely Thatcher the planet but now I know better Thatcher," she said bravely.

Meanwhile Sunak tried to distance himself from his own record, saying, "We must fix the British economy. Whoever has been chancellor for the last few years has really messed things up, and I would definitely fix that."

He said that he wished every child in the UK could have the same opportunities that he had. "I wish everyone could go to Winchester school, and I honestly don't know why they don't. It's only £46,000 a year."

One thing is certain - no matter who wins, the country loses.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more