Boris to Remain Another Eight Years

Funny story written by Brett Taylor

Sunday, 10 July 2022

image for Boris to Remain Another Eight Years
As long as there's a party, Boris will never go

Many Brits were relieved when the embattled Boris Johnson stepped down as Prime Minister last week. Now, it seems Boris has pulled a fast one on us by installing himself as Interim Prime Minister. Even more shockingly, it appears he intends to stay in office another eight years.

“You didn’t really think I’d step down so easily, did you?” asks Boris. “If I were really stepping down I’d come up with a better speech. I mean, ‘Them’s the breaks”? Come on, I could have come up with a better exit line that! Anyone could have. My dog could’ve!”

Apparently much of the motivation for Boris to stay on as Caretaker Minister is so he can use government funds to pay for his never-ending party schedule, which will include a massive wedding celebration at a country house for UK prime ministers, known as Chequers. “Without his job he wouldn’t be able to book Chequers,” says one anonymous source. He’d have to find an ordinary country house like the rest of us.”

The Mirror quotes another anonymous source as saying, ““It beggars belief that even after all the criticism Johnson has faced regarding integrity and probity, one of the reasons he is staying is to have his wedding party at Chequers,” Not if you know Boris it doesn’t!

But Johnson insists his decision to remain isn’t just an excuse to party. “It’s not just for the parties,” he explains. “Oh sure, partying is the number one thing in my life. The throbbing house music, the drugs, the prostitutes. But that isn’t all. I also feel a great sense of duty to my country, a duty to…” He pauses long enough to have a small yawn, then resumes speaking. “To remain with my country until a worthy replacement can be found. Which ought to be in another ten years or so. Until then, the parties will go on. The parties, and the great feeling of social progress, of course.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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