Today's Queen's speech was delivered to Parliament by Queen Charles. In it she laid out the government's policies for the next year. Top of the list was the Conservatives' plan to help solve the cost of living crisis.
In the last year inflation has increased to nearly 10% and fuel bills have more than doubled. The Tory plan doesn't address any of those issues. Instead, they give a small sum to mayor of Manchester Andy Burnham to do something or other.
A spokesman explained, "It's only people up north who are struggling, so those Northern chumps need to work things out for themselves. Perhaps they need to find richer parents, or more oligarch friends. And if Andy can't work something out then it'll be all his fault."
Another bill contained within the speech will allow anyone who holds at least £1m worth of shares in an energy company to claim tax relief, which will "help people struggling with the fuel price crisis."
The Tories have ruled out helping ordinary people struggling to pay their fuel bills, and would not even consider taxing oil companies and their record profits.
Boris Johnson said, "The last thing poor people need is more money."
