Man feels trapped by FB friends request from complete twat from his past

Funny story written by Clive Danton

Saturday, 26 June 2021

image for Man feels trapped by FB friends request from complete twat from his past
I'm living in fear he'll comment on my statuses and show me up in front of my mates and family.

A 54-year-old man from Whitechapel in East London has revealed that a Facebook friends request from a man he used to associate with in his late teens and early twenties but who he always considered to be an utter twat has left him feeling cornered and conflicted.

Toby Dell, a meat porter from Berner Street, told a local paper: "I got this friends request from the bloke last week and my heart sank, to be honest.

"The man was a real chump back then and I only knocked about with him because he had a few quid and I was banging his sister.

"I'm now living in fear that he'll start commenting on my statuses and will show me up like shit in front of my mates and family members.

"He's already added my missus who has accepted his request and then tweaked her account so that he can't see any of her posts.

"That sounds a bit too complicated so I'm going to send him a quick message on WhatsApp, telling him that I'm close to death and don't want him to be upset when he learns via Facebook that I've fallen off the perch in a week or two"

Mr Dell's story comes just two weeks after a man from neighbouring Poplar sent an irritating would-be Facebook friend a photoshopped image of himself hanging from a noose attached to a light fitting, accompanied by a message from his wife to say that he'd taken his own life due to being wanted by the police on a number of murder charges.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: If you've been affected by any of the issues raised in this piece, try telling the person concerned that you're a massive Donald Trump fan. That usually gets rid of most people, although not the real mentally sub-normal head-bangers.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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