A 39-year-old London woman has told The Metro that she is going remain seated for the rest of her life after falling over on a daily, and, often, hourly basis. Joanne Danton, a sales executive, said: "I've been falling over around five or six time…
Following the discovery of the mutilated body of a third fisherman on the banks of the River Lea in East London, Whitechapel police have announced they have received a letter, believed to be from the killer, in which he outlines his motives and signs…
A 54-year-old Whitechapel man has told a local newspaper that he indulged in phone sex with a female work colleague during a marriage guidance session attended by himself and his wife. Toby Dell, from Brushfield Street, told The East London Gazett…
A train driver from Whitechapel in East London has told a local newspaper that his fondest dream is to one day become a 10-year-old boy. Toby Dell, 54, told The East London Gazette: "When I get home from work in the evenings I often start daydream…
A 54-year-old man from Whitechapel in East London has revealed that a Facebook friends request from a man he used to associate with in his late teens and early twenties but who he always considered to be an utter twat has left him feeling cornered an…
A 23-year-old Whitechapel woman has berated her boyfriend's sexual performance, branding it, 'pathetic', after the pair had indulged in a steamy romp using semaphore flags. Tracy Dell, a hairdresser from Dock Lane, told The East London Gazette: "W...
Danish/American heartthrob actor, Vigo Mortensen, has told a showbiz mag that Mrs Bridges, the formidable cook out of the popular 70s period drama, Upstairs Downstairs, engaged in a steamy romp with the young actor during a brief stay in London in 19...
In a bid to end the widespread confusion over the efficacy of wearing face masks to alleviate the spread of Covid-19, the Secretary of State for Health, Matt Hancock, has suggested that they are worn and then removed by the public at five-minute inte...
A local DIY enthusiast has told The East London Gazette that he converted the bath in his upstairs bathroom into a spacious, walk-in shower - while his wife remained in the tub. Toby Dell, a forklift truck engineer from Dock Street, revealed: "The...
A 54-year-old Whitechapel man has told a local newspaper that he was attacked and badly injured by a giant squid as he was trying to ease his stress about the coronavirus outbreak by immersing himself in a relaxing fantasy about swimming with dolphin...
The scientific community has appealed to all practitioners of homoeopathy to stop sitting on their hands, and to come to the aid of the fight against the deadly covid-19 virus. A spokesman for the World Science Council told newsmen, last night: "T...
There has been widespread criticism of the government's decision to allow the National Health Service to spend £20,000 on a protective mask for big-faced pop icon, Olly Murs. The mask, which will be over 100 metres wide, to accommodate the star's...
In what is being hailed as a surprising silver lining in the current health crisis, environmentalists have reported that the butchered remains of 1950s and 60s gangland victims are now clearly visible at the bottom of the previously murky, Limehouse...
Following yesterday’s announcement that he will be withdrawing from all public duties, beleaguered royal, Prince Andrew, has been unveiled as one of the so-called, ‘Latecomers’ on the hit TV reality show, I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here. The 5...
The mother of a teenage girl who collapsed and died during her menstrual cycle last week, broke down in front of reporters earlier today before hitting out at the advertising campaigns used by the makers of women's sanitary products. Mrs Mary Dell...
The government last night outlined plans to include the teaching of vagrancy and the dependency on strong drink as part of the national curriculum in 2020. A spokesperson for the Department of Education told newsmen: "In the present difficult eco...
A 23-year-old woman from Whitechapel in East London told a court that she beat her husband with a television stand to get some practice for the hurly-burly, Black Friday melee in 11 days time. Tracy Dell of Vallance Road, fractured the skull of he...
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