New England Patriots Owner Robert Kraft Has Just Had The Drug Charges Against Him Dropped

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 25 September 2020

image for New England Patriots Owner Robert Kraft Has Just Had The Drug Charges Against Him Dropped
Robert Kraft is 79, but now that the drug charges against him have been dropped, he feels 71.

BOSTON – (Sports Satire) – The district attorney of Boston has just made New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft one very happy man.

The Pats owner was told that the charges stemming from his visit to the Asian House of Hornyism, and allegedly coming out with 85 pounds of marijuana have been dropped.

The district attorney received a certified letter from Kraft’s urologist stating that he conducted an extensive test on Kraft, and he found no sign of any cannabis or other illegal drug in his system.

The urologist did add that the Patriots owner does have E.D. (erectile dysfunction), but he noted that there is a so-called wonder pill named Bingoboo that was developed in Bolivia that should fix his problem.

Kraft stated that he will now get back to focusing on his New England Patriots as they travel down the road to the Super Bowl minus Tom Brady.

A reporter for TMZ is reporting that the Boston Police Department is keeping it hush-hush, but the 85 pounds of marijuana have mysteriously disappeared from the marijuana holding cage.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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