DENVER – (Satire News) - The Colorado State Cannabis Coalition has just announced that marijuana sales have gone up 4,000% in the last three months.
CSCC Director Lucy “Sinsemilla” Coxcoogan was asked by TMZ to explain the unprecedented increase.
She said that it was due to the millions of people who are still sheltering-in-place and self-isolating, and who have grown tired of eating Pop Secret Popcorn, drinking Corona Beer, and counting each other's freckles.
Miss Coxcoogan, said that people are becoming extremely bored, since, after a while, TV watchers get tired of the same old shows, “Wheel of Fortune”, “The Price is Right”, and “Amy Schumer Grilling All Kinds of Meat While Half-Naked”.
The CSCC director also pointed out that along with the huge increase in pot sales, other sales have also shot through the roof, including pizza sales, Twinkie sales, toilet paper sales, and sales of Jalapeno-Flavored Condoms.