Brexit bus should have said, "We send the EU £350m a week. Let's spend it on pointless bureaucracy instead"

Funny story written by Sir Geoffroy Cockface

Saturday, 30 January 2021

image for Brexit bus should have said, "We send the EU £350m a week. Let's spend it on pointless bureaucracy instead"
Brexit has been so successful that there is nothing left in the shops to buy

Britain - but not Northern Ireland - left the EU at the end of 2020, and importing and exporting has not been the same since.

Geoff Turnip is an importer/exporter from Bishop's Prepuce who exports beef, and imports strudel. "Bringing in the strudel hasn't been a problem, because the UK won't introduce any customs checks until May. The underground strudel pipe we built in 2008 is working well, but we will need to hire more staff later in the year."

For Turnip, the real problem at the moment is in exporting. He exports animal produce, so he needs to obtain a vet's certificate for every batch he exports. "It's going to cost us an arm and a leg in vet's fees, as well as other parts that only the Europeans eat," said Turnip.

The problem is not just on the UK side. Exporters in the EU also have to pay UK taxes if they send goods to the UK. Jean-Claude von Cliche is a cheese merchant from La Rochelle. He is no longer delivering his high quality luxury cheese to UK customers because of the extra costs.

Cliche explained, "We use only ze finest meelks known to man, from ze breasts of poor Frenchwomen. Eet ees ze best cheese in ze world. But even zose greedy British will not pay ze extra costs to import it after Brexit. Stupid roastbeefs!"

In total, the extra paperwork required to manage the new Brexit rules is estimated to cost a total of £7 billion, coincidentally almost the same amount that the UK used to pay for full EU membership.

Nigel Farage was asked about the Brexit problems. "Yes, I suppose it is a bit ironic," he didn't say.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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