Piracy on the high seas is back

Funny story written by Sir Geoffroy Cockface

Saturday, 23 January 2021

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Brexit Britain is a sea of opportunity. According to Tory MP Iain Duncan-Smith, he wishes he was 22 again, so that he could take advantage of those opportunities and start "buccaneering" again.

But a pirate ship is no place for a bald old man with illiberal views, so Duncan-Smith's grandson, Geoffroy Duncan-Smythe-Duncan-Smith-Crump, aged 22, will take his place.

He will serve on the pirate ship Jolly Rogering, which launched from Portsmouth this week, and will head to the Caribbean. Once there, it will establish a secret pirate base and begin privateering - raiding other vessels for sugar and rum - and sending booty back to the UK or burying it in a nearby tax haven.

More buccaneering ships are due to be launched soon in the first wave of what has been billed as "Global Britain's comeback".

Other countries, including the US, have warned their navies to be on the lookout for an old sailing ship manned by amateurs wearing pantomime costumes. If the Jolly Rogering attacks other ships, then they will likely meet a heavy response from modern warships who have little tolerance for piracy.

Iain Duncan-Smith was aroused at the ship's prospect. He beamed as he said, "It's what Brexit is all about."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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