Man Is Becoming Terrified Of The Future

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Sunday, 3 January 2021

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It's a terrifying time to be alive

A man who regularly worries himself into a absolute frenzy about things in a completely irrational way, has recently confessed to his family and friends that he is becoming terrified of the future.

Concerns over things such as his age, health, work, money, children, his mother in England, his visa status, and, now, the COVID-19 pandemic, have made Moys Kenwood, 57, jittery beyond belief, and his nerves are rather frayed at the edges.

The Englishman cannot even decide which is the most important of his worries, and this has caused him to fret even more.

He said:

"What's going to happen to me kids if I can't go to work and get money to put food in their mouths? Or if me wife and I succumb to the evil virus, and they're left as orphans? How will they cope? How will they feed themselves? Oh, my God!"

And he worried on:

"How about me health? What will I do if I can't get me medicine? Or if the price of it goes through the roof - what then? And me mam in England! She's 84 years old, and I might never get back there to see her again! Oh, my God!"

And on:

"And what about me visa? If I haven't got any work, they won't renew me visa, then I can't stay here, but I'll have no money to fly home, and I'll probably end up in jail for violating the terms of the visa, stuck in some rat-infested, filthy, stinking, boiling-hot cell with excrement in the corner, and some grubby, hairy bloke trying to bum me. Oh, my God! It's terrifying!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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