Ross Kemp Stripped Of Bonny Baby Title After 54 Years...

Funny story written by Scooter Nairns

Sunday, 22 November 2020

image for Ross Kemp Stripped Of Bonny Baby Title After 54 Years...
Another scandal, but is it Ross Kemp or John Terry?

Ex-SAS Man-turned-actor, Ross Kemp, has been stripped of the title that was pinned with honour on the CV that eventually won him his first role in EASTENDERS.

The shamed actor with the petted lip is said to be devastated at the news.

It's not the first time the liar has been in a scandal of lies. His last disgrace also involved that infamous CV where he claimed to be a member of 22 Regiment SAS, but was exposed for only serving one day! The c*nt later claimed through his agent that the bond of that Troop was still in his blood, and he was still serving his country as an actor.

"I didn't think The Regiment was using my skills to the best of my ability. I wanted to sort the mess out in Bosnia, but, instead, they had me making tea down at the Hereford Gaff. I was trying to keep my involvement in the Amateur Dramatics Society quiet from the lads, because they might've thought it was poofy. When my agent phoned me up and offered me a part in Eastenders, nobody could stop me - not even the SAS! The people of this country called out for me, and I was only too happy to step up to the plate."

The current scandal, which was broken by The Sun newspaper without much research, surrounds a 'Bonny Baby Contest' during a family holiday in Blackpool at the famous Square Gardens. Their mother, who refused to be named for legal reasons, and also because The Sun never even mentioned her in the initial article, has been exposed as a scheming manipulator in the whole affair.

Allegedly, two family friends named Sharon and Tracey took her other two sons, Martin and Gary, so that they'd have better odds of at least one son winning the limelight. This, of course, was against the rules, because each family, by law, can only have one entrant in the competition. The runners-up for the coveted gong, Boris Johnson and Charles Ingram, have both claimed 'utter shock’ at the devastating news that someone could get away with such a lie all these years. They were further shocked, because they always thought he only had one brother called Philip.

Past winners of the posh annual event include Scooter Nairns, Luke Goss, Gabrielle, Ronan Keating and Sade.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more