Teacher Taught Students To Speak English Like EastEnders Characters

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 19 November 2020

image for Teacher Taught Students To Speak English Like EastEnders Characters
EastEnders opening and closing credits (I think)

A teacher at a school in Bangkok has told how he came up with a new, interesting and, quite frankly, stupid method of helping his students to become proficient in English, by having them model their speech on that of the characters in the BBC's long-running morbid soap, 'EastEnders'.

Moys Kenwood, 52, hit upon the idea during a recent trip back to England, where he was subjected to a veritable onslaught of EastEnderspeak, due to his mam never having missed an episode of the miserable drama.

Tortuous as this was, he determined to salvage something from the experience, and returned to Bangkok, where he inflicted the East End sound upon his students.

Amazingly, the language skills of several of the students showed an improvement.

One, a girl, took a shine to the voice of Sharon Watts/Mitchell/Whatever, confidently saying:

"Mum! Dad! Sheww! Fiww! Graaaant! It's the Mitchoowws!"

A boy in the class modeled himself on one of the aforementioned Mitchells - Phil - shaving his head, and speaking barely moving his mouth, as if he were sucking porridge through a straw:

"Ear! Izzersumfinyouwaintellinme?"

And the Thai teacher in the classroom also joined in the fun, when she assumed the voice and characteristics of Queen Vic landlady, Peggy Mitchell, when she bellowed at the top of her voice:

"Gedarda marpub!"

Towards the end of the lesson, the headteacher put his head around the door, and asked Teacher Moys if the students were behaving well, to which one of the girls at the back, sounding like Bianca Jackson, belted out:

"Yeravinalaaaarf intcha?"

BBC executives refused to comment.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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