Prime Minister Boris Johnson and a gaggle of other likeminded MPs have today completed phase one (of 74) in a series of “sexual Harassment In The Workplace” seminars. Johnson himself was rather excited by the whole event claiming:
"The totty running the show looked like she was from very good stock!"
In recent years, the British halls of power have been exposed for having a drunken, leery, laddish culture towards women, and, early this year, a prominent Conservative MP was suspended for suspected rape.
Johnson enthusiastically embraced the idea of the seminars, and immediately ordered all his cabinet to attend. Except for Jacob Reese-Mogg who, as a wet tissue, still doesn’t know what sex actually is. There have been repeated claims of bullying in Westminster over the past few years, with the place being dubbed “Pestminister” by those of us terrible at writing puns. The latest round of bullying was said to have been perpetrated by Home Secretary Priti Patel and special advisor Dominic Cummings. Although, we have to say, if you’ve managed to be bullied by Cummings, a man who still looks like he gets his dinner money pinched from him by bigger Liberal Democrats, then you probably deserve it.
The session went down well, and would have been over after the allotted 45 minutes if David Davis hadn’t started on his repertoire of “saucy banter”. A defiant Johnson said:
"I now know that all sexual harassment is bad…if you get caught! No, of course it’s bad and ugly fillies don’t appreciate it either. Just because Ann Widdicombe is physically repulsive doesn’t mean that I should try and pep up her self-esteem by pinching her bottom. I know this now."