'Mutant' exam results baffle students...and Education Minister

Funny story written by T. Loaf

Friday, 28 August 2020

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Algorithms are not good for hair...

British A-level students are licking their wounds after the 'mutant algorithm', as Boris Johnson put it, has made a complete mess of results and allocations to further education institutes. Universities up and down the country were up in arms, while students sought to come to terms with the meddlings of the mentor of incompetence, Education Minister Gavin Williamson.

Peter Smith of Rotherham had applied to study Economics at Leeds, but was now to commence a Cookery and Knitting Diploma in Bath. "I'm not pleased", he said, "can't be right." And he was not alone. Karen Short of Crewe had already found digs in Nottingham where she intended to study Advanced Hydraulics and Hydrology before being notified that her results now enabled her to take part in a Tree Climbing degree at Surrey College of Shrubs. "I hate trees", she stated, "and I hate Surrey."

Johnson and Williams, being freaks of nature themselves, are well familiar with mutants and offered words of hope. "If Mr. Smith doesn't want to study Cookery in Bath," stated the Prime Minister, "he can do it in Durham. No problem."

Education Secretary of State, Williamson, said he didn't understand what the fuss was about. In fact, he didn't understand anything at all. "I thought algorithm was a Spanish music genre. Boris thinks differently, and he's always right. But if these students are gonna get bolshy about it, they'd better watch out. Michael Gove is thinking of offering courses..."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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