Earlier today Boris Johnson acknowledged some failings regarding the initial coronavirus press briefings.
‘I do think that, perhaps, with hindsight, I could have taken better expert advice, listened more, and adapted to the situation quicker. On reflection I should have realised that wearing a dark coloured suit against a dark background was not good for the cameras.’
He faced angry responses with allegations of being ‘flippant’, ‘missing the point’ and ‘shambolic leadership’.
‘I am in touch with the important issues,’ said an agitated Boris, ‘shambolic would have meant 30 000 deaths.’
It was pointed out that 30 000 deaths was exceeded a long time ago.
‘Yes, well quite, exactly my point. 30,000 was simply disorganised and chaotic but not shambolic,’ added a flustered Boris, ‘To get to shambolic we’d have to pass through confused at 35,000 and muddled at 40,000.’
It was pointed out that 40,000 had also been exceeded.
‘Well, of course,’ exploded a swaying Boris, ‘but in the disarray and topsy-turvy world of choosing the right tie to go with the right suit for the right background, there will be the occasional period of anarchy.’
As Boris meandered off, a press officer stated, ‘Mr Johnson has not fully recovered from the coronavirus, and occasionally suffers from bouts of manic foaming-at-the-mouth, chewing the lectern and making wild claims.’
At this point, Boris began to foam at the mouth, chew the lectern and claimed, ‘If I was PM, things would be different!'