Number 10 To Install Suggestion Box

Funny story written by Dewani Unhatched

Sunday, 2 August 2020

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In a move that many Britons are hailing as “a major step forward”, British Prime Minister Boris Johnson announced, Monday, that, after 'unanimous agreement by the cabinet', that a suggestion box is to be installed outside the gates of Downing Street

"We are hoping for some good ideas on how to deal with major issues, and we invite anyone to fill out a comment slip and pop it into the box," said a Home Office Spokesman. "The Government is running out of ideas on how to deal with COVID-19, Black Lives Matter, quarantine rules, Brexit, and a whole host of other issues. Quite simply, we are lost. We need some good ideas, so I encourage the public to help us out. We really are in over our heads."

As an added incentive to get people to fill out comment cards, the first 1,000 people to do so will be given a free television licence.

A secret trial run of the suggestion box idea was conducted last month, and, according to the same spokesman, some valuable ideas were put forward.

"Your a fucking moron; go boil your head", "You couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery", and "Wankers!" were some of the most popular comments made on the cards that allow the public to insert their name and address. Many of the trial cards were submitted by the same four or five persons, including 'A Hitler', 'Mickey Mouse': and 'Nicola Sturgeon'.

One thing the government is hoping to avoid is receiving turds in envelopes. During the trial run, over 3,000 were placed into the box, and all envelopes were personally addressed to the Prime Minister.

"We implore the public not to deposit excrement into the box," said the spokesman. "We are hoping that the vast majority of people will send their shit to others just as deserving, such as Piers Morgan, His Majesty Prince Andrew and 'Wee' Jimmy Krankie."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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