Reports of the Man-bun, once the preserve of post pseudo-hipsters (real hipsters wouldn’t be seen dead with one), migrating to the heads of middle-aged men in lockdown, has resulted in ‘Questions in the House’.
As barbers and hairdressers return to work, it was hoped the embarrassing site of middle-aged men, some of whom are musicians - as if that was an excuse - would recant their ways and relinquish their lockdown locks - Man-buns.
‘I feel quite trendy,' said Richie Yellow, a surveyor from Swindon Borough Council's Highways Department, and ex-singer of Swindon band Silicon Weather. ‘Didn’t Beckham have one in 2004?’
As the trend spreads from men in marketing agencies and website designers, to people in normal jobs, including sixth-form teachers and at least three vicars, Boris Johnson is drawing up legislation to cull the Man-bun.
‘Actually he wants to cull the wearers,’ said a Home Office insider, ‘and hang the Man-bun on the spiked gates of Downing Street. But the PR position was a bit questionable. I mean, who wants to see all that lank, lifeless hair flapping in the wind at press conferences. Boris can do that himself.’
‘I’m thinking of rejoining the band,’ said Yellow, ‘I feel invigorated and liberated, and it’ll be good for the band's image to have someone hip like me fronting it.’
Band members, Jamie, Paul, Jonny and George were not available for comment, but have signed the ‘Cull the Man-bun’ petition.
