Man has lawn mower stolen and claims ‘You wont see this on mainstream media’

Funny story written by sean hodgson

Tuesday, 11 August 2020

image for Man has lawn mower stolen and claims ‘You wont see this on mainstream media’
All electric rotary! This makes me feel ill.

Legendary Swindon 105.5FM radio celebrity Brian Anorak has had his lawnmower stolen and claims that mainstream media are ignoring the story as, ‘It doesn’t fit their narrative’.

Brian, whose problem-solving radio show, ‘Ask the Anorak’, which helps dozens of listeners a month, is asking for help after his 1973 Hickston-Brax 4 stroke cylinder lawn mower was stolen.

‘It’s very distinctive,’ said Brian, ‘it’s a limited edition model with the inverted viscosity nozzle and it makes a not unpleasant clackity-clack due to a worn flange-reflex throggle stop.’

Although the police have investigated there is minimal media interest. ‘I know two people who’ve had lawn mowers stolen in the last 6 month in the South of England,’ said Brian, ‘It’s a crime wave conspiracy and someone is protecting these thieves. Last year a fellow lawn mower connoisseur had his wheels and grass box stolen, which is half a lawn mower, that’s a year-on-year rise of 300%.’

Brian posted a desperate plea on the Hickston-Brax FB group and received some derogatory comments for being a nerdy pedant.

‘If I was a pedant I’d still be reading Hickston-Brax Collectors Monthly, which, since Februarys disgusting centre spread, I don’t. I mean who wants to see an all electric rotary mower - children see that magazine.’

Brian retains the original user guide but without the lawn mower he feels that’s a bit superfluous.

‘I bet only 3% of my friends repost this,’ said a sad Brian.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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