Twelve Florida Marlin Players Are Stricken With The Coronapalooza Virus

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Tuesday, 28 July 2020

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Baseball writers are saying it will be a long time before baseball sees fans in the stands again.

MIAMI - (Sports Satire) - The sports world is in a state of shock, as they have just learned that the Florida Marlins have announced that a dozen of their players now have COVID-19.

Team manager, Don Mattingly, stated that they still have 43 other C-19-free players, so they can still play.

But MLB Commissioner, Rob Manfred, is said to have told Mattingly, "not so quick, baseball stick".

Rob “The Man” Manfred has informed Mattingly, that his entire team will be rounded up, and taken to an unspecified hotel, where they will all reside for 14 days under strict quarantine rules.

One of the relief pitchers asked if they would, at least, be able to use the swimming pool. He was quickly told that, if any player uses the pool, his career with the Marlins will be terminated quicker than he can say “spit ball”.

And so, now, the Marlins will have to forfeit all of the games that they were to have played for the next 14 days.

On top of all of that, the team's bats, baseballs, gloves, and prophylactics will have to be gathered up and burned with an army flamethrower.

ESPN is reporting that two of the Marlins players were overheard saying that they are planning on escaping in the dark of the night.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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