Boris Johnson reveals exercise regime

Monday, 29 June 2020

image for Boris Johnson reveals exercise regime
Every morning, Boris does a single sit-up - that is, he sits up in bed while the butler brings him his fried breakfast

This week, Prime Minister Boris Johnson was photographed doing a press-up to show how fit and healthy he is, despite his appearance. The PM's personal trainer, Geoff Ym, revealed exclusively to The Spoof the entire exercise regime he puts the PM through.

"Obviously, he's a fat, lazy prick," Ym said of the PM, "so, at the moment, we have him on one press-up a month. This month, he insisted we make it a photo opportunity, the vain twat!"

The PM also plays the biscuit game with his Eton chums every two to three weeks, which usually works up a sweat. However, his most stressful workout is his weekly grilling by leader of the opposition, Keir Starmer, who always leaves him breathless and red, as he struggles to answer any question, and has his lies and incompetence painfully exposed.

In order to recover, Johnson uses a form of psychological well-being called "The Three Steps of the Privileged Man". The first step is to imagine himself being successful. Then, he looks around at his family wealth, his expensive education and the contacts he has made in his life of living among other rich arseholes. Then, he thinks about how great he must be to have been born into such a position, and a big fat smile grows on his face. He is then ready to face another day of millions of people wanting to punch him.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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