Harry Maguire’s Paper Mache Statue Toppled And Burned By Angry Fans

Written by Dr. Billingsgate

Tuesday, 23 June 2020

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Harry, we hardly knew ye

BILLINGSGATE POST: What Ole Gunnar Solskjaer said about the toppling of the iconic paper mache statue of Harry Maguire, which had stood outside the confines of Old Trafford since the lockdown, sadly manifested the disappointment for both the travails of Manchester United and for the efforts of Maguire, himself.

The Red Army Section of young fans, disillusioned by the lacklustre efforts of the overpaid Maguire, are thought to be the culprits for this dastardly deed.

Boris Johnson, even more dismayed by this episode of vandalism than that which took place in London, where Sir Winston Churchill’s statue was defiled, addressed a shocked Parliament:

“I’m shaken, but not stirred. We will not allow our precious football history to be erased by ill-bred adventurers who capitalize on the capricious nature of fate.”

“These urchins, some of whom may be from countries where table manners are non-existent, are anarchists of the worst sort. In due time, they will be dealt with, using the full force of British law.”

Slim: “Don’t they do bronze statues across the pond?”

Dirty: “Yo, Dude. Only if you’re riding a horse.”

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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