UK defence secretary given £750 million to fortify south and east coastlines!

Funny story written by Jaggedone

Tuesday, 14 July 2020

image for UK defence secretary given £750 million to fortify south and east coastlines!
She's seen it all before!

The UK, apart from Scotland, has been busy strengthening their eastern frontier as B-Day approaches and it leaves the EU.

All WW2 concrete bunkers from Cornwall to Scotland's eastern border have been refurbished, disinfected of their urine stench, and homeless people living there have been turfed out, as British soldiers return to defend the coastline facing Europe. Cannons and machine guns have been installed pointing towards the German, Dutch, Belgian and French coast.

Dad's Army has been recruiting volunteers to patrol coastlines armed with Enfield Rifles, just in case 'Just In Time' trucks arriving with important spare parts for Minis, and Spanish oranges, driven by Polish truckers, attempt to smuggle their precious goods in without customs controls. A fleet of WW2 submarines docked in Scotland will now patrol the North Sea and Dover Straits, just in case DFDS ferries, carrying illegal European trucks, and Eastern European cabbage-pickers, attempt to land in Skegness instead of Dover or Harwich. They have been ordered to 'blast them out of the water!'

The whole package is costing the British taxpayer, including Scots, £750 million! Prime Minister Boris Johnson claims the investment is more important than purchasing German PPE clothing required for fighting another deadly, invisible enemy imported from another major fiend, China, because Trump told him to!

So, while the UK fights the Coronavirus, and forgets Brexit, dastardly Conservative politicians have prepared the country to stop European aliens entering their beloved country unless it is absolutely necessary.

However, German/European multi-billionaire investors are heartily welcome, and will be allowed in without a visa, as long as they help to dig the UK economy out of an approaching, inevitable recession!

Spitfires will not be used. Instead, drones that look like them will patrol UK skies!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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