English Towns And Cities With Foreign Names To Make Changes

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 14 February 2020

image for English Towns And Cities With Foreign Names To Make Changes
A lady trying to read the 'funny names' at Marylebone

The government has announced plans to look at changing all UK placenames that have a 'foreign sound', to something a little bit more English.

The move comes just two weeks after Brexit, and is intended to appease people who think 'foreigners' still hold some form of control over what happens in the UK.

One of the places for which a new name will be found, is the Leicestershire market town of Ashby-de-la-Zouch. Others with a somewhat French bent are Poulton-le-Fylde, De Beauvour Town - in the London borough of Hackney - Beaulieau in Hampshire, and Beaumont in Essex.

Rievaulx Abbey in Yorkshire will also undergo a namechange.

The German-sounding mythical Kent hamlet of Chutney-on-the-Fritz will, henceforth, be known as Chutney.

Durham will revert to the pre-Norman name of Dunholm.

Brexiteers have welcomed the move. One, Ron Biggot, from Stoke-on-Trent, where the Latin motto is 'Vis unita fortior', rasped:

"We want places to be named in English, not some foreign muck!", completely missing the irony that most of the English language has its roots in French and German.

In related news, former Duran Duran frontman, Simon Le Bon, has been told that, with a name like that, he is no longer welcome on the UK mainland.

"I'm bitterly disappointed, but I'll get over it," he laughed heartily, from his mansion in Los Angeles.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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