It is 75 years to the day when war-weary Brits celebrated the defeat of the Hun by getting shit-faced drunk in a wild orgy of sex and alcohol. In 1945, the streets of London, Manchester and even Hull were piled-high with the hungover and the shagged-out. Some, too tired to walk, lay there for days, until forced to move on as the clean-up began.
The consequences of that day had several long-lived consequences, including a spike in the birth rate - the baby boomer generation were born out of that victorious lust. Some veterans of VD day have not stopped scratching since then, either.
One elderly woman, Dora Trollope, 95, remembers the day vividly. "I had my first double penetration that day," she recalls. "And there was a fly-over by the Red Vagolax Arrows to remind us to buy their cream. Eee, they were happy days. Not like young people nowadays, who don't even know what gonorrhoea is."
Geoff Horn, 98, has happy memories too. "All the women were up for it. There was none of this 'me too' rubbish. You just grabbed a tit and stuck your dick in any hole you wanted. I learned, that day, that I enjoy a spot of sodomy, and I haven't looked back since."
Today, flags will be raised across the UK to salute those brave old shaggers. Their memory shall never grow flaccid.