Britt Ekland: "Peter Sellers Was a Very Tormented Soul" - the Online Forum Speaks Out

Funny story written by Erskin Quint

Tuesday, 5 May 2020

image for Britt Ekland: "Peter Sellers Was a Very Tormented Soul" - the Online Forum Speaks Out
Imagine having to vacuum that, Missus: the warehouse where Rod Stewart kept his Ego, yesterday

The Guardian - Britt Ekland Speaks About Life With Peter Sellers: "He Was A Very Tormented Soul"


Surely its' is time Brit Egland shut's up. Aftur awl, how olde is she? Anshunt. Prehysterical. An she needs to get a reefand off her plastick serjeon with a face laike that. No wundere the worlds' bortox suppliers are egshorsted an she carnt get in any filums! She cude try horror fillums!


Dear Chuck,
When you've been married to Peter Sellers and then, having escaped all his madness, you then had to spend years vacuum cleaning the warehouse where Rod Stewart keeps his ego, then, maybe, just maybe, you can criticise poor Ms Ekland. Would you like to vacuum Rod's massive ego, Missus? Yes, I can tell you would. Also, she was in The Wicker Man (well, not actually in it, that was Edward Woodward of course), which is bound to take its toll. That Christopher Lee was a strange man. Strange man. Yes. No. You know how it takes its toll don't you dear? Yes. So, let's cut her some slack. The poor cow. Her plastic surgeon certainly did. Oh stop that. No. Don't mock. Don't titter, missus. Oh shut yer faces.

Oh what a hard life she must have had, wondering which fur coat to buy next. To be fair, Sellers was a genius. My favourite character of his is Dr Strangelove, a delightful parody of the former Nazi rocket scientist, Wernher von Braun, and an indictment on all warmongering. In fact, Peter, as I call him, was happiest playing other characters, and was ill at ease being himself - aren't we all? But, unlike Peter, we don't all have the talent to be other larger than life characters! I just love the moment when Strangelove calls the US President "Mein Fuhrer!

We didn't win 2 World Wars and 1 World Cup to laugh at a Kraut taking the piss out of us. Some people need to take a look at themselves. This country's gone to the dogs and it's down to these EU Brussels Bureaucrats dictating yes dictating again with these lefty films denigrating our once-proud nation. Listen to yourself singing the praises of this von Braun, you are a disgrace to those who died in the Battle of Britain so you could sit at home on your arse and watch a Nazi. Typical Lefty Remoaner sentiments. Get over it - you lost.

Well! It might help if you actually read my post, and watched the movie! It's actually an attack on Nazis, of all persuasions. It might enlighten you a bit. And why do you have to bring Brexit into it for crying out loud! Lighten up mate.

So you are trying to educate me now are you professor? You elitists have a lot to answer for, always bringing Britain down. And you call me a Nazi? The enemy within, too cowardly to admit what their agenda is. And which way did you vote in the referendum then? Go on, admit it. Face it - you're history. Make Britain Great Again. And I'm not your mate, "mate".

Remoanerturds are all alyke. But guess what? You lost! Get over it Boo Hoo! Go Boris, grind the leftie's into the dust! Yore the new Churchil! When wier Grate Again we won't be watching these lefty films. Barney and Junker (grate name!) cant tell us what to watch any more! Cut the EU red tapes and free our fishing boates.

I said - which way did you vote? What's the matter?

Having read the article I must say she has a nerve criticising Sellers, who for all his faults can hardly be blamed for seeing her in a photograph and wanting to marry her right away. In those days it was the male purgatory to ask a woman was it not? We all knew where we stood then, and doors were held open for the fairer sexes. She admits that when he first went to see her, she got right out of the bath and met him in a towel at the door, and then on their honeymoon she only wore a fur coat. What man can be blamed if the woman behaves like a common floozy or "bit of skirt", as we used to call them, down the Frog and Compasses on Cold Blow Lane? Of course, now you cannot blame any of the women, they have the power of the media, and now she is speaking against him when he cannot reposte, being diseased and she needs the money. At the time, she ought to have felt the back of his hand, but being in the spotlight he was not able. No wonder he was mad, imagine the tension, and her just getting more of a tart, and the strain building up, when a quick slap would have cured her and him both. My wife felt the benefit of a slap and a punch early in our marriage. She never misbehaved again. Yes she left me but again society's decline has much to blame itself for.

Come on, Goon-boy, which way did you vote? What are you afraid of? Showing your true traitor's Remoaner colours? Well, I've got news for you - the country is changing and we're draining the swamp.

I'm Canadian, actually, I live in Canada, so I didn't vote in the 2016 UK referendum. I hope that answers your question.

Canadan, eh? I bet your antiTrump. Did you support the evil bitch Hillery! Will you be happy when Bill Gates has us all microchipped in 5G! What about Lady Gaga's globbal child abuse ring and the evil witchcraft tunnels under the US ruled over by Hillery Clinton! Do the research its all their on Facebuke.

I used to like Edward Woodwoodward in Callan and yes I appreciated him in The Wicked Man. He was such a nice clean-faced Christian man in that and then that Britt Ekland cavorted nude in his hotel room and kept banging her naked body against his paper thin walls, then seduced him into the Wicked Man of Hoy where he was burnt along with the poor goats and sheep in their pagan sacrifice. That Christopher Lee never was any good, he's always in horrible films doing terrible things. But I never could understand why Edward Woodwardwood had to go across the island alone in a small boat. Surely having all those famous people on the island would have razed suspicions and alerted the authorities and a whole squad in motor boats would have ascended on that betrayed village and Christopher Lee would have been arrested. I think poor Edwood Wardwood was made an escape goat of by the powers to be and they just wanted to cover it all up. A pity they didn't cover Britt Ekland up, she raced his dander up and led to his ruin. It's always the same, my Auntie used to live on the Isle of Wight, it was the same there, they had Jimi Hendrix, Miles Davis and Reg Varney and the police could do nothing while the hippies cavorted nude in Mottistone.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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