Millions of Britons could starve to death as foreign cooks won’t be allowed into the country after Brexit

Funny story written by Cleopatra Chaos

Wednesday, 19 February 2020

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"Where'z me fookin dinna?" - even Brexiteers could go hungry after Britain leaves the EU

Politicians are warning that millions of lives could be lost after Britain exits the EU, if tough immigration laws proposed by the government are enacted. These laws would mean that workers from Europe would no longer be allowed into the country unless they were on super salaries of over £36,000 per year.

At the moment, large numbers of Europeans enter Britain each year for casual kitchen work, including as cooks and chefs. Without them, tens of thousands of restaurants might go bankrupt. Further, millions of British people who’ve never learned to cook a meal in their lives, could simply starve to death, since they simply do not know how to prepare breakfast, lunch or dinner.

The problem is particularly acute north of the border, where the Scottish people are more likely to demand a second independence referendum than learn basic cooking skills, such as heating oil in a pan, or turning on the oven.

Scottish First Manager, Nicola Sturgeon, said “Boris’ right-wing hard-line Brexit Tory government doesn’t care about the ordinary people of Scotland. It’s about time they allowed Scotland to become independent.”

But the problem is also felt in Metropolitan London, where many English folk have never learned to open a wine bottle themselves. Local theatregoer Rufus Yurafile asked “Who will spread Philadelphia on my Garibaldi and squeeze my guavas, after Pablo is deported?

Emergency services are also starting to receive calls from householders asking where their kitchen light switch is or how to tell if their gas oven is switched on. A spokesman for the police suggested that anyone who is unsure about whether their oven is on, should check for the smell of gas from their oven by sticking their head inside for fifteen minutes before calling the police.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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