Local bachelor, Stanley Bridgewater, is not looking forward to doing two of his least favourite things tomorrow: drinking in a pub, and talking to strangers in a pub.
The lonely 47-year-old, who gets drunk on one pint of shandy, and has not got past an awkward exchange with a woman for the best part of three decades, has told us: 'I know that I don't have to go out tomorrow night, and it would be better if I didn't, for the sake of the health of the country, but I just feel that, if I don't go, and I stay at home, I will be missing out on so much.'
Stanley, we can't make up your mind for you, but, for the sake of everyone in the pub, please stay at home. We all remember what happened last time, don't we?
