Fed up of being unable to introduce physical violence to his online conversations, Geoff Thump has developed ThumpChat, the world's first-ever video chat with the ability to punch other people.
"I was having my usual weekly video chat with my mates, but there's this whiny twat who keeps coming along, even though only one person invited him. He just keeps talking, and won't shut the fuck up, even when we all tell him to. If we were down the pub, I would hit him, but one of the main disadvantages of video chat is that you can't do that. You can tell that weedy nerds wrote this software."
After punching the image of his irritating friend on his laptop and breaking the screen, Thump realised there had to be a better way. Luckily, in his day job, he works as a mechanical engineer with cow-milking robots, and he used his expertise to develop the unique ThumpChat system.
It requires the attachment of a robotic hand to the computer, which Geoff has modelled on his own gnarly clenched fist. If a participant wishes to send a punch to someone they are chatting with, they can click the Punch button and the robot hand attached to the recipient's computer will lash out.
The product underwent successful trials earlier this week. "It turned into a right brawl," bragged Geoff. "As soon as I punched Terry, he punched me back. Then Dave waded in as usual. It was glorious! Just like a usual Saturday night out for me and the lads. It's little things like this that'll help us regain a sense of normality in these strange and overly-non-violent times."