Quentin Smith, a four-month-old mould, who has been growing inside a coffee mug since lockdown began, has said that, if he continues to grow and develop, gaining hands, a brain and some way of communicating, he will be running the office before Christmas.
The cheeky young scamp, who was created by accident (like the B**tards that run the office) already has workable ideas, a business plan lined up, and some ideas for funding. 'Yes, I have more ideas than the people running the office, but will I ever get the chance to show what I can do? Bollocks will I? They will just do what they always do, have the arrogance to think that their way is the best, and still be in the same situation next year when I will be forgotten about.'
Sid Smith (no relation), who is a half-full bottle of milk in the upstairs fridge, also said: 'Yes, whoever comes into the office when it is reopened will also have quite the shock. I am solid. I am not milk anymore. I am cheese, and not nice cheese like an Edam or a Haloumi. I smell worse than feet, and I just won't go down the drain that quickly either. Ha, my parents would be so proud of me, and no-one will know who didn't get rid of me, will they?'
We do, it was that idiot on the second floor, the one who has been nothing but rude to his staff for a year, and who has never apologised to them for it. Oh, wait, sorry, that could be practically everyone, couldn't it?