AUSTIN, Texas - (Satire News) - Bedroom Pillow Talk, one of the leading info shows in the US, has just informed the public that Austin's Woman's Touch R-Rated Maid Service now has the distinction of being "The Best Maid Service in America." The ow…
British prime minister Boris Johnson has shocked the political world by actually sacking someone: his cleaner. Following controversies involving foreign secretary Dominic Raab, home secretary Priti Patel, and pretty much everyone else in the cabin…
Quentin Smith, a four-month-old mould, who has been growing inside a coffee mug since lockdown began, has said that, if he continues to grow and develop, gaining hands, a brain and some way of communicating, he will be running the office before Chris…
Michigan. Employees at Woodland National Decking Products were incredibly aggravated last Monday after the company tested out a newly-purchased, industrial 'floor cleaning machine' with a foot-long chute for expelling debris. As a heavily-inspect...
LUBBOCK - The Giddy Up Public Opinion Poll Company of Kalamazoo, Michigan, has just announced that The Texas Nude Maid Service, (formerly known as The Woman's Touch Maid Service) which is headquartered in Lubbock, Texas has become one of the fastest...
US Postal, Lance Armstrong's former cycling team admitted to cheating during his 7 Tour de France victories. In a strange twist, Armstrong himself remains untainted- US Postal say he knew nothing of their scams. This latest revelation continues th...
There were celebrations at Dubai International Airport this morning when it was revealed that the airport had been congratulated on the cleanliness of its toilet facilites - in the face of the most unbelievable filth imaginable to man. Moys Kenwoo...
ORANGE GLO, FL - Superstar of the infomercial world Billy Mays was pronounced dead this morning at his home in Orange Glo, Florida. The shouting spokesman, 50, was reportedly trying to remove a particularly stubborn stain from his carpet when he s...
Sedona, Arizona - A man in Sedona, Arizona who is tired of getting crap all over the bottom of his bare feet has decided to clean up his place. Rodney Brewster, a former resident of Truth Or Consequences, New Mexico, moved to a small apartment on...
ORANGE GLO, FL - When Discovery's Channel aired its new show "Pitchman," many viewers were surprised to find Billy Mays had a softer side. They can thank Dr. Les Lowden of Tampa General Hospital for this minor miracle. Just weeks before the show...
News today of a comeback by 'How disgusting is your house' cleaners and domestic goddesses Kim and Aggie. Almost quoted as saying, "This county needs us especially the council house brigade". Kim is particularly missing sniffing all the mould...
An anonymous source, who cannot be named, has revealed to our anonymous contact, who cannot be named, at the Daily Fascist, that good ol' Bazza Scott, the loud, obnoxious spokesperson for potentially environment damaging cleaning agent 'Cilla Bang' i...
Scabies, England - New research has found that northerners are dirtier than southerners. The study, conducted by the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine, says the further north people live, the less likely they are to wash their hands afte...
Patented by Dr. Buster Hymens, a bio-chemist from Spit City, Nevada, a new coating that bonds itself to cotton fibers prevents even the worst protein stains from setting. Applied to towels and bedding in the initial wash cycle, the coating still al...
Historical texts have proven that Ukulele player George Formby was not a good window cleaner. Contemporary reports from the time revealed that the comedy maverick was often tardy, left his ladders all over the place, used the same water for days,...
The following article describes the procedure for grooming a small man and suggested techniques involved in a good, clean job. It is aimed at both beginners and experienced professionals.
Life? I did not ask for it. It was done without my prior consent. Now, am I responsible to clean up someone else's mess? Certainly not. But I am going to play him in his own coin.
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