Family of five eaten after local lion-tamer works from home

Funny story written by Clive Danton

Thursday, 16 April 2020

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Tragedy struck in a quiet East London street yesterday, when a circus lion that was being kept in a garden shed by its keeper killed and ate the man's wife and four children.

Lion-tamer, Toby Dell, 42, from Vallance Road, Whitechapel, told a local newspaper that he'd been working from home due to the lockdown, and that the beast - called Dave - had escaped while he was out taking his daily exercise.

A visibly shaken Mr Dell told us: "I can't believe this has happened, to be honest.

"I came back from my half-hour walk and found the place empty.

"I looked everywhere but there was no sign of the wife and kids.

"Then I went out into the garden, and spotted all these bones strewn around.

"The shed door was wide open, and Dave was fast asleep, lying in a sunny spot on the patio.

"I knew it was the wife and kids, because Dave had spat their clothes out. I suppose he didn't want to get the material stuck in his throat.

"I realise I probably shouldn't have brought him home, but I didn't want him turning wild during the lockdown, after all my hard work down the years in taming him."

Following the incident, the lion was shot with a tranquiliser dart and removed to a safari park, where he has now reportedly killed a roe deer, several local dogs, and attacked a family of three in their Toyota Prius.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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