Multiple Personality Patients Not Coping Well With Social Distancing

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 14 April 2020

image for Multiple Personality Patients Not Coping Well With Social Distancing
The Brute trying to get inside somebody else's head earlier

The government's social-distancing advice, given to try to limit the spread of any viruses that might be about, are, on the whole, having a positive effect, but there is one section of the population that is finding it nigh-on impossible to keep away from 'others' - those with multiple personalities.

Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) is described as having two or more distinct personalities, and, as such, sufferers never feel as if they are truly alone.

This has direct consequences for social distancing.

Jack Widgett, who is also 'Nancy' in his spare time, said:

"I understand the need to stay away from other people, but Nancy just won't leave me alone. The bitch!"

And Mitch Owens, who has four other personalities, laughed:

"Two's company, but five's a crowd!"

Long-term mental health patient, Dave Bruten, who is also schizophrenic, paranoid schizophrenic, crypto-schizoid, and schizo-cryptoid, suffers from the feared Creuzfeld-Jakob Syndrome, Grinning Creep Disease, and comes from Stourbridge, is also a general fucking know-it-all.

He claims to hear voices telling him to do things - mostly, other people's business.

But, said his long-suffering wife, that's all poppycock. She warned:

"That's just Dave. He likes to hear the sound of his own voice!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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