Jess Philips urges Labour members not to vote for her

Funny story written by Cleopatra Chaos

Monday, 20 January 2020

image for Jess Philips urges Labour members not to vote for her
Son of Socialism Jeremy Corbyn wonders whom to hand the poison chalice to

British Labour Party leadership contender Jess Phillips has begged members of the party not to vote for her to become the next leader. The outspoken Birmingham lass said “My campaign is truly dreadful, I have shit for brains and I don’t know what I’m doing.”

This appears to contradict what some of her opponents have said, when they told the media that all of their candidates are first rate and would be at least as good as the present leader, Jeremy Corbyn. However, cynics pointed out that the news briefing, in fact, read “all of our candidates are first rate nutters, and would be as good as Jeremy Corbyn, who led the Labour Party to its worst defeat since before the Second World War.”

Some commentators have suggested that nobody actually wants the job as Leader of the Labour Party, after the party became associated with anti-Semitism, hating the rich and successful, and supporting Britain’s enemies abroad.

Meanwhile, Labour leadership favourite, Sir Keir Starmer responded to Jess Phillips’ remarks by saying “I disagree with Jess. She would make an excellent leader. Much better than me, in fact. I’m the only man in the ring. Please, whatever you do, don’t vote for me.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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