Corbyn beat me up in the toilets: Boris Johnson's shock claim

Written by Clive Danton

Saturday, 21 December 2019

image for Corbyn beat me up in the toilets: Boris Johnson's shock claim

Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, told newsmen last night that defeated Opposition Leader, Jeremy Corbyn, attacked him in a House of Commons lavatory last week, leaving him bruised and bleeding from a gaping head wound.

Johnson, who had just delivered his opening address to The Commons following his thumping election win last Thursday, told reporters: "After my speech, I needed to visit the toilet and excused myself from the chamber.

"I was standing at the urinal, when Corbyn flew in, cursing and calling me all the names under the sun.

"He slammed my head against the tiles, and then started raining punches on me as I collapsed to the ground.

"He then went in with the boot, delivering a number of kicks to my head and lower back.

"I was in awful pain, and begged him to stop, but he just shouted that I was a flash Tory monkey, and carried on with the attack.

"Eventually, he seemed to run out of steam. He gave me a final boot in the ribs, called me a few more names and left.

"So much for the so-called, kinder, gentler politics, he had promised when he became leader."

Corbyn's attack comes almost exactly a year after Labour MP and leadership hopeful, Yvette Cooper, was admonished by the Speaker, John Bercow, after she head-butted the then Prime Minister, Theresa May, as the members filed out of the chamber to deliver a vote on Mrs May's third EU withdrawal agreement.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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