Tories Wreck EastEnders Christmas Show Script After Surprise Election Result

Written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 14 December 2019

image for Tories Wreck EastEnders Christmas Show Script After Surprise Election Result
Never mind, there'll be another election in 5 years - just be patient!

BBC bosses are, this morning, running around in a frenzy, after the surprise General Election result left the producers of the channel's miserable soap drama, 'EastEnders', caught them off-guard, and ruined the Christmas Special show, which hinged on a Labour Party victory.

An unexpected swing to the right, caught the show's writers completely by surprise, and all kinds of insults, sideswipes, derisory comments and general abuse at the Tories' expense will have to be thrown out.

The show's political analysts had reckoned on a win for Mr Corbyn and Labour, and had tailored the script to take this into account, with endless jibes about how the balance of power in Britain was finally to be addressed, and the Tories put in their place.

This turned out to be wishful thinking.

Scenes such as punters in the Queen Vic celebrating a reduction in the price of beer and cigarettes, and market traders rejoicing at the prospect of lower rents for their stalls, will have to be wiped.

Also for the bin are excerpts featuring a lavish Chritmas turkey dinner at the Beales', and a touching scene of carol-singers outside the Queen Vic being rewarded by Phil, with a £20 note.

An already-updated version has landlord Mick Carter opening an upstairs window, and showering the plucky singers with a bucketful of filthy slops.

John Grumpy, one of the show's producers, said:

"We expected the country would vote to get rid of the Tories, but it seems they've fallen for the Brexit 'take back control' bullshit, and now wish to endure another 5 years of EastEnders-style austerity. Well, if poverty is what floats your boat, poverty it shall be."

Actor Steve McFadden, who plays Phil Mitchell, said:

"Izzersamfinyouwayntellinme?"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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