Cummings welcomes Prince Andrew on board

Written by T. Loaf

Thursday, 9 January 2020

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Raring to go...

'Weirdos and misfits were requested by Dominic Cummings to join the dream team in Downing Street and now, following newbee Jeremy Corbyn, the PM's personal scriptwriter has found yet another willing adjutant.

Yes, the Randy Old Duke of York, Prince Andrew, has replied to the vacancy and is expected to start (well, be available) on Monday.
"Brilliant," lied Cummings. "Andrew brings all the qualities Boris so worships. His attitude is completely in sync with Johnson's trilogy of principles:

1. Let others do the work.
2. Bonk any young woman who moves.
3. When cornered, lie.

These are the pillars of his success, and I believe Prince Andrew will be more than capable of showing meaningful support. They're of the same ilk."

"It's better than working at Domino's, I suppose," was the pithy princely response.

Former member of the Orwellian Thought Police, Cummings, favours canididates who can think out of the box. "Now we've got Brexit done and out of the way, we're gonna do the UK and get that out of the way, too. Andrew brings everything with him you need at No.10: thick skin and a driving license. We'll have to rein him in a bit, but, well, we have our to speak."

"One does what one can for one's country. I'm especially looking forward to providing Carrie with a helping hand," smiled the Royal. Not surprisingly, a probationary period of 25 years has been written into his employment contract. "Quite appropriate," commented Andrew, "gives me plenty of time to prove my mettle and reveal my class."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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