Queen Says She Doesn't Believe Andrew Did It

Written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 18 November 2019

image for Queen Says She Doesn't Believe Andrew Did It
One would have thought he would have looked less guilty on the wireless

Her Majesty the Queen has said that she doesn't believe for one minute that her grandson, Prince Andrew, could have been involved in any sexual activity with an underaged 17-year-old girl in 2001, when he was 41 years old, and is prepared to stake her mortgage on it.

The fact that she doesn't have a mortgage is crucial here.

Prince Andrew was a friend of former financier Jeffrey Epstein, who was a well-known sex offender, but, says the Queen, there's nothing to suggest that the Duke of York was also a sex predator who liked young girls.

Apart from Virginia Roberts (now Guiffre), a selection of witnesses, corroborrating evidence, and a highly-embarrassing BBC Newsnight interview strewn with lies that is.

And just because Andrew claims to have "wracked his brains" to see whether or not he could remember having sex with a woman he'd never met, doesn't mean his interview with Emily Maitlis was a patchwork of lies.

"He's just got a lot on his plate at the moment," she said. "Dealing with the plebs like that, especially on television, it quite takes it out of one."

A social media contributor wrote:

"Prince Andrew 'took it out of one'. Three times. And all the other 'ones' we don't yet know about."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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