Prince Andrew Digs A Big Hole, Then Gets Into It

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Sunday, 17 November 2019

image for Prince Andrew Digs A Big Hole, Then Gets Into It
Don't do interviews - they make you look guilty!

Prince Andrew, the former friend of former person, Jeffrey Epstein, spoke to the BBC's Emily Maitlis on Friday, and tried to explain his side of the story with regard to indulging in an underage sex romp with a girl who was just 17.

But it didn't go very well.

The Prince told Maitlis that he had never met the girl, Virginia Roberts, or, if he had, he didn't remember it. Sounds like he's taken advice from Judge Kavanaugh.

A photo of the Prince, apparently with Virginia, is impossible to verify as genuine, he said, but he doesn't remember anyone having taken it.

That would be because he's never met the girl, right?

Despite his hazy memory, Andrew is quite clear on one thing:

On the date he is supposed to have had underage sex with Virginia at the house of his friend, Ghislaine Maxwell, he knows exactly where he was - at Pizza Express in Woking with his daughter, Beatrice.

It's amazing how some things stick in the memory and others don't.

He also stated that he never wore 'travelling clothes' whilst in London, preferring a suit and tie, and anyway, never went to the top floor of Maxwell's house, which is where the incriminating photo was taken.

That is, he doesn't remember the girl or the sex, but does recall his mode of dress whilst in the capital, and that he always stayed 'downstairs'.

Good answer.

Also, he can't explain what he is doing in the photo with 17-year-old Roberts, and her naked midriff, with his arm placed sweetly around her.

Virginia remembers Andrew buying her a drink, and sweating profusely during their dance at a nightclub.

Andrew countered this by saying he doesn't drink, and, in any case, has never bought a drink in Tramps (he probably doesn't know what money is!) He swerved the 'sweating' thing by saying he has a medical condition - a hangover from his service in Afghanistan - that prevents him being able to perspire. Or he did have, until he started sweating again "recently", which makes her claim impossible to prove.


Interesting, however, that, although he says he's never met Roberts, and doesn't drink, has never bought a drink, and, therefore, has never bought a drink at Tramps, he has been there. Presumably, Tramps keep staff records, and would be able to establish who was on duty that night, and make enquiries as to whether Andrew was there, who he was with, whether he bought drinks, and so on.

On the other hand, Tramps former bar staff have, if they have any sense, probably all 'gone to ground' fearing they might become next in line for some Epsteinian 'suicide job'.

And who can blame them?

The fact that Andrew then went to visit Jeffrey Epstein in New York in 2010, after it was known that the financier was a paedophile, is the icing on the cake, and was most likely at Epstein's suggestion. It allowed the child-fondler to have someone snap a photo of himself and the Royal 'for later use', which was a clever move under normal circumstances.

These, however, were not normal circumstances, and it now seems as if Mr Epstein's decision to allow Prince Andrew onto his island was the worst decision he ever made, and that's saying something.

It doesn't feel as if this story is anywhere near finished yet.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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