General Election 2019: Campaign Promises Unlikely To Be Kept

Written by Monkey Woods

Sunday, 24 November 2019

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The candidate for 'Almost-Everywhere'

As the campaigning for the 2019 General Election has now got into full swing, some experts are saying that it's possible that many of the promises that have already been made by the major parties are "all talk", and will not be kept.

It's normal for the political parties to make wild, outlandish claims about what they'll do once they get in power, but, for some reason, gullible voters don't realise they're being lied to, and, even if they do suspect a lie, they dismiss it from their minds, and vote for the liars anyway.

Prime Minister Boris Johnson has already said the Tory Party intends to inject more than £5billion into the NHS, £2billion into education, and £500million into public libraries, but, on closer analysis, these figures seem unfeasible. They're not only unfeasible; they're bullshit.

Labour are being more ambitious. A Jeremy Corbyn-led government would, the opposition claims, find £6billion for the NHS, £4billion for schools, a whopping £10billion to be spent on a new welfare benefit system, and a £60million new Royal Mint to print the money to pay for it all.

The Liberal/Democrats are saying they will sort out the Pensions sector, and business interests with massive investment, and they'll also look into how the weather might be changed, now that the country is already being affected by global warming.

The Brexit Party talk a lot, but have been unable to publish their blueprint for 'a better Britain', because, if they did,

In the only manifesto that can be even half-believed, the Green Party say they will plant more trees.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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