The insane cackling you can hear flowing out of Westminster is at the decision that Boris Johnson's government will push on with plans to have a “Festival of Brexit”. Which sounds as much fun as a “Festival of Cancer” or a “Festival of It Was Better During The War”.
A number of proposed events and activities have been floated like a dead fish towards the public and now sit in our eye line like an unwanted present in a toilet bowl.
One deluded Tory wanker (possibly Gove or Hunt or any of the other cancerous pustules gushed):
"It’s a huge opportunity for Britain to take back control, and to celebrate all the things we used to love. They’ll be Irish-chasing events,"'Come up with the best nickname for black people' contests, and, of course, at least 30 renditions of the National anthem!
Despite the festival being designed to appeal to heroic Brexiteers, they aren’t satisfied. Then again, will they ever be? Daniel Tomlinson, 78, of Sutton on Folsham Wold, said:
"It’s a bloody remoaner plot all over again! We saw off Jerry and we’ll see off these wet traitors."
He produced a bayonet, and began waving it around on the 12:23 to Scorby, which was not a good start to the day, we thought. We mentioned that it was supposed to celebrate Brexit and how great the fucking thing is, but Daniel was having none of it, saying:
"Ha! You expect me to believe anything? That’s a Remoaner tactic, that is. Using “information” and “words” - I tell you, knowing things didn’t stop Jerry from unzipping his fly and slapping his Bratwurst all over Harrods windows on Oxford Street. British steel and a complete unwillingness to look facts in the face stopped him."
Once again, we tried to inform him that the festival was due to take place after the UK had left and Brexit had been implemented, but he just shook his head saying:
"You believe whatever you want, but I know a remoaner lie when I see one, and I’ll keep fighting for Brexit long after they tell me that it’s happened."