Boris Johnson's election bus to be powered by bullshit

Funny story written by Sir Geoffroy Cockface

Monday, 11 November 2019

image for Boris Johnson's election bus to be powered by bullshit
Another bus for the Tories to scrawl lies all over

The UK's general election got up to full speed this week, as the media pressed the accelerator of information and the political parties took the steering wheel of policy.

The Conservatives revealed their new weapon - a big red bus with not just one but several slogans about how great Boris Johnson is. "Boris is the greatest prime minister ever." "Boris is a man of integrity." "Boris will build a hospital in every village."

One slogan attacks the Labour leader: "Corbyn is an anti-Semite, and a Jew!" - a double attack which is obviously false but should cover the sympathies of all Conservative voters.

The bus is claimed to be environmentally friendly and powered entirely by dung from bulls. A hatch in the back of the bus allows photo opportunities for Boris to shovel in dried cow pats. However, sources reveal that the engine is a regular diesel and the hatch leads nowhere.

"This is another example of the Conservatives digging themselves into a hole on a platform of lies," said Labour spokesman Geoff North. "Unfortunately despite the fact that everyone knows they're lying, we still somehow can't beat them."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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