The Drone Wars

Written by Backandtotheleft

Monday, 21 October 2019

image for The Drone Wars
Will the drones eventually gain sentience and steal our girlfriends? Is the kinda question we ask takeaway workers at 5am

UK police have announced a new weapon in the war on “people being a bit of a pain”, with the formation of a new crack drone unit.

The unit's primary goal will be to combat the threat posed by the odd drone flying over Heathrow, but will probably be put to extensive use in peering through unsuspecting ladies' windows, knowing the police.
PC Grinner from the Staffordshire constabulary has headed up the project after calling for the use of drones in all areas of policing. He said:

"It’s a great step forward for the UK police force in the sense we will now have the tools needed to utterly obliterate the drone menace. Once we’ve dealt with those, and our drones have proven to be effective…who knows what we’ll use them on next? Ethnic minorities, climate change protestors and cyclists on the pavement all pose a huge threat to this country, and I believe we can use drones to take them out - and I don’t mean for lunch!"

The new “drone army” has come at a price, as a number of community outreach programs have been wiped from the face of the earth. PC Grinner was quick to allay our fears, though, stating:

"What’s going to make people feel safer? The sight of trudging beat Bobbies shuffling up and down their neighbourhood? Or a flying robot battle officer which has a license to kill?"

A flying robot what?

He laughed:

"Of course, they won’t be able to kill straight away, but we’ve got a number of MPs, including the delightful Mark Francois, lobbying for the weapons to be included on the robots by the time they're deployed in the council estates."

We began to sweat

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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