LONDON - (Satire News) - One of the world's businest airports in the world, Heathrow, will be shutting down for a total of seven days. Reports from BuzzFuzz (UK) state that the shutdown is taking place so that construction crews from Wales, can un…
Nosey neighbour Jess Curious was last seen rising swiftly from the roof of 25 Privet Road, Harshleigh, Sussex. Owner, Nona Yorbizniss, claims that Mr Curious insisted on testing her newly-installed high-speed lift - "Much more swift than your old sta…
UK police have announced a new weapon in the war on “people being a bit of a pain”, with the formation of a new crack drone unit. The unit's primary goal will be to combat the threat posed by the odd drone flying over Heathrow, but will probably...
There was further controversy in the Heathrow drone incident this morning, when aliens from distant galaxies contacted the airport to deny all knowledge of who was responsible. The drone was seen by several members of the public who were driving a...
A drone that was sighted flying near Heathrow Airport yesterday was not being operated by an irresponsible moron from the droning community, and was a UFO, says a man who knows what he is talking about. The UFO was seen by several members of the p...
LONDON, ENGLAND - The damning economic report issued today revealed the lowest GDP growth figures in British history, effectively rendering Britain a third world country. Economists, politicians and self-proclaimed "experts" from down the pub wer...
American insurance salesman James Henry Galbraith thought it was just another tedious return home from the three-week business conference he had attended in London. It wasn't. A Heathrow customs official found a bottle of whiskey in his holdall. "I'm sorry Sir but I have to confiscate this." "Aw... come on buddy. Gimme a break! I always take a bottle home to the wife." "Excuse me." The officia...
Airports in the UK and US are now having to install express lanes for exhibitionists who pack adult toys in their hand luggage in the hope that they will be asked to 'prove they turn on'. Security staff are exasperated at the number of passengers...
London, UK - London Mayor Boris Johnson's vision of an airport on the Thames were rapidly becoming less of a pipe dream today as the UK's premier transport hub came under threat of being washed away by a huge wall of water creeping from the sodden T...
London - "Does it mean she'll kick the bucket tomorrow?" an air traffic controlled chuckled at today's announcement that a revamped Heathrow Airport building has just been named Terminal 2: The Queen's Terminal. "Everyone knows HM 'is terminal', h...
Leaked news from Balls House, headquarters of the Labour Party, has revealed Mr Milliband's preferred outcome of the airport review project. In an attempt to court support from all parties the Leader of the Opposition (sic) has asked his advisers to...
The contract for building another runway in London has been won by budget airline Queasy Jet. They have decided that Altrincham, some two hundred miles away near Manchester, is the perfect location. "On the scale of things," said Queasy Jet chairm...
Plans are well advanced for Boris Johnson, Mayor of London, to be buried under the new third runway at London Airport. The offer to Boris of a seat in the House of Lords in return for his silence on the issue has been turned down despite the title...
Heathrow Airport had to be closed to air traffic for two hour this morning when a kangaroo decided to take a hop along a runway Having just arrived on the scheduled Australia Airlines flight from Sydney the marsupial then escaped down to the tarma...
Heathrow, LONDON: With many teenagers employed by G4S on £8.50 per hour, deciding to take days off to watch Jeremy Kyle or soaps, there may be trouble ahead. But why has the Olympic Security become a 'car crash', waiting to happen? Lord Coe et al...
Irish budget airline mogul Mick O'Really is set to solve the UK border control crisis with his latest venture. His new 'Pay and Arrive' scheme is set to dramatically reduce queues at London's Heathrow airport this summer. Executive of Pay and Ar...
Further deaths from an outbreak of Rionnaires' disease are highly likely, doctors warned yesterday. The recent outbreak is centred on Heathrow, and the number of confirmed cases rose to 157 (although some have been lost). And there are still thous...
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