Outrage as Farage's EU Election Results Party is Called Off by Police in Milkshake Riot Fears

Written by Paxton Quigley

Friday, 24 May 2019

image for Outrage as Farage's EU Election Results Party is Called Off by Police in Milkshake Riot Fears
Boston McDonald's manager "Oh no, we have just taken in extra stock of banana milkshakes..."

Boston is a small port in Lincolnshire, on the east coast of England. The Borough of Boston has a population of approximately 70,000 people and prides itself on being the most pro-Brexit constituency in the United Kingdom with 75.6% (22,974 votes) of the local electorate voting to Leave the EU in the 2016 referendum.

It is here in the local Wetherspoon's that the Nigel Farage cult (not a typo, Ed.) known as the Brexit Party had decided to throw their Sunday election night celebratory barn dance until police intervened, citing concerns about public order. Lincolnshire constabulary decided to cordon off the town's cobbled streets and dirt tracks when they heard rumours that hundreds of thousands of pro-EU demonstrators in the company of a fleet of milk tankers were planning to invade the backwoods town on Sunday afternoon.

Needless to say, many were disgusted at the decision.

Most outraged was Mrs Doris Headbanger, aged 96, of Not Quite Dead Yet Home for the Elderly, an avid political commentator, Boris Johnson groupie and reader of Mills & Boon classic "novels".

"How could they do that to nice Mr Farage? He's the only one who has been standing up for our fishing industry by turning up for the EU fisheries committee once in eight years. He's a gent and well worth the hundreds of thousands of pounds he has earned from not attending the European parliament and that £450,000 from Arron Banks. These Remainers are trying to steal our future."

Most disappointed was Mr Steve Grunt, manager of the local branch of fast-food outlet, McDonald's.

"We're on a loser here. I've just taken in extra stock of banana milkshakes, enough for the whole town for six months. What am I going to do now?"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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